OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
