I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Randomize
