I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Randomize
