You're a womanizer and a bitch.
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
