Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Randomize
