Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
i now understand why vodka
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Randomize
