i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
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