ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Randomize
