I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Randomize
