she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
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