i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
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