i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
