Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Randomize
