twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I need to sanitize my soul.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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