vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
