I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Randomize
