i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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