um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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