he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
