I only kidnapped one of them. chill
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Randomize
