the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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