Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
