these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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