Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
