YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
