I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Randomize
