living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
