Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
