i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
