sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
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