Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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