I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Randomize
