the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
My penis needs a shock collar
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
