So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
