bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
