I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
