I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
