I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize
