Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
