Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Randomize
