I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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