I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
