We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
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