sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
