using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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