Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
