he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
