I feel great
I just peed on a car
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
