She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Randomize
