i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
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