Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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