I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
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