We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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