she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Randomize
