well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
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