It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
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