It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
