she was so not down for the gang bang
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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