Christians are straight up FREAKS
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
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