I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
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